240

Famous World Ideologies, as explained by references to Cows

2-cows-580

  1. Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
  2. Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.
  3. Bureaucratic Socialism: Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
  4. Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
  5. Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
  6. Real World Communism: You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most “ability” and who has the most “need”. Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
  7. Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
  8. Perestroika: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the “free” market.
  9. Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
  10. Militarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
  11. Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
  12. Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
  13. Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
  14. British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.
  15. Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
  16. Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
  17. Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
  18. Capitalism: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.
  19. Enviromentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
  20. Political Correctness: You are associated with (the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently – aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
  21. Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

240 thoughts on “Famous World Ideologies, as explained by references to Cows

  1. Common sense-The government puts a huge pop up covering the screen so I don`t read this crap.
    Progressive movement-I get back the time I wasted reading this and my memory is erased.

  2. Austrian School: You have two cows. Since there is no perfect system for keeping them, you let them go free and let the market decide what happens to them. Profit!

    Real-World Austrian School: You have two cows until someone with four bulls takes them from you as breeding stock because they wandered onto his land and calls it compensation for criminal trespass.

  3. American Capitalism: You have two cows. Bond traders speculate on whether or not either of the cows will ever produce milk. As a result the price to feed them rises constantly until you can no longer afford to feed them, you go bankrupt and try to sell the cows to pay off your mortgage. Then Hood sells you milk from the cows they bought off you and bribes Congress to keep the system working like this.

  4. @SP, “Democratic Kampuchea (Khmer: Democratic Kampuchea official name.svg) was a communist[1] regime that between 1975 and 1979 ruled the Southeast Asia country of Cambodia.”

    That was great! I hope they add some more to the list!

  5. American Capitalism: You have two cows. Someone who has a million cows floods the market with milk. You are forced to sell your cows to a shell company secretly owned by the man who now has 2 million cows. The man with 2 million cows donates 100 cows to politicians who pass laws that make it all but impossible for you to get into the cow market. You now work for the man with 2 million cows and use your money to buy milk from him. You are thankful to have a job and you think it’s nice that he donates some milk to charity.

  6. Life is about trusting your feeling and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories, learning from the past, and realizing people change …

  7. Animal husbandry: You have two cows. You save some of the milk money to buy the services of a neighbor’s bull and/or frozen bull sperm from a catalog. Repeat until you have a good herd.

  8. anarchism: your community has lots of cows. you all share responsibility for taking care of them and all share their produce.

  9. Janna is right here, anarchism is nothing to do with people taking from each other in ‘pure anarchy’ there would be no need to take a cow from any one.
    I dont like the anti british statement either, the only reason british cows got fed sheep brain is because the super markets (which by this point were mainly american owned) forced the prices of beef right down!!

    P.S dont try educating anyone again you are obviously a dimwit!!

  10. American Capitalism: You have a small farm in a rural community with a few cows. You sell your milk and other products at fair wages that everyone involved in commerce agrees upon. One day, a Moo-Mart moves in to the closest decently sized town. You cannot compete with the prices of Moo-Mart’s goods, so you eventually close shop and go bankrupt. Perhaps, you even sell your farm, start renting an apartment and begin working for Moo-Mart yourself. You are no longer happy with your life. Death to Moo-Mart

  11. Philosophy should come next!
    Nihilism– You have two cows, neither of which truly exist.
    Skepticism– Do you have two cows?
    Logical positivism– It has been mathematically verified, as well as scientifically observed, that you have two cows.
    Dualism– Praise cows!
    Empiricism– Cows really only exist as you experience them.

  12. I’ve seen a similar list before and it included:
    French capitalism: You have two cows. You are on strike to get three.
    Singapore democracy: You have two cows. They chew on cud. The government arrests them because of a suspicion they are chewing gum.

  13. I would think the Environmentalist cows would be required to be milked. After all, it hurts them not to be milked, and milking them is doing nothing bad for the environment.

  14. Blog Commentators: You have no cows (nor any idea how to keep them) but use them in over-simplified representations of complicated problems in order to advance a personal philosophy that takes all the fun out of the post.

  15. Canadian democracy: You have two cows – the Milk Marketing Board decides how much milk you can produce and sell. Your cows produce too much milk so you have to dump it out. Canada Revenue Agency fines you for not producing enough milk to pay your taxes. They threaten to seize your cows. You write your Member of Parliament for assistance. He sends you a form letter saying he will try to establish a Royal Commission on Dairy Farming. You play your harmonica in the street for tips so you can survive and buy feed for your cows in hopes of better days or federal election.

  16. this country is going down the tubes. our goverment is out of control, and everyone is on the take.we need change, but change will only come through if we put god first in our lives

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  18. British Justice:You have a cow.That cow meets another cow,moves to a different farm.They take all the calves.Then the powers that be give them your tractor!!! Sorry i know i seem bitter,hahahaha!!!! But now i have to shop for milk! Bye! (Like your site,very funny)

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  20. Anachronism: You have two cows. They are eaten by marauding velociraptors. You run from the velociraptors but end up being eaten by a saber-toothed tiger.

  21. First thought: Ultra V doesn’t know much about cows.

    Texas school: You have two cows. Someone (anyone including government agents) tries to take them. You chase them down, give them a fair trial with an impartial jury, and hang them for cattle rustling. DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS.

  22. Chinese Republic Communism: an American Company owns the 2 cows. You feed milk and raise the cows and sell the milk back to America for double the cost it takes you to raise them.

  23. India: You have 2 cows. You worship both of them. Every morning, women get up early and fight for the cows’ manure, which they dry and use for fuel. You get the idea of keeping the manure yourself, and soon open up a takeaway burger restaurant using them as the main ingredient. No one notices.

  24. To Anon:

    Troll. You see the one about 2 cows, you read it right to the end and then make a statement to show that you’re so cool and you couldn’t give 2 hoots about it cows, bulls or giraffes. Then you go off and do the same thing on another site.

  25. @UltraV – wow – how wrong can you be? Cows produce milk AFTER they give birth (not while pregnant, and will continue giving milk as long as they are milked daily (should be twice daily) – same as humans – I am bettin ya never heard of a ‘wet nurse’ either did ya ?

  26. Canadian Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes half the milk that your cows produce, and gives it to people who have no cows.

  27. Cow world: 2 cows have you. They give you milk when you clean their crap up, change the bedding, provide grass and feed, and give them protection. In a year they will stop producing milk and have human skin coats.

  28. Diablo2ism: you have a leg and a book which you combine to create a new dimension where there are many cows you farm them until you accidentally the king and no longer are allowed to create it.

  29. Iceland: You have 2 cows, but the government makes a new law and puts a quota on how many cows you can own. They take your cows and give them to people with the most cows, because you didn’t have enough cows to get a quota. Now it’s illegal for you to have cows. These people sell their cows and move to Spain. Now some investors have most of the cows and the quota. Next they tell the world their cows are producing more milk than they really are. They start buying cows in Europe with the milk that doesn’t exist. Then they say the cows live in the Tortola and Cayman islands so they don’t have to pay milk. They also build grand farms and barns in Iceland for the cows that live in the Cayman islands. Finally Europe, especially Holland, wants the milk that doesn’t exist. The investors safely leave the country, but you now have to milk the cows you don’t have for the next 50 years to pay off the debt.

  30. The American System: You have 2 cows. The government takes all of the calves, sells you sterile bulls, and takes a precisely calculated percentage of the milk to ensure that the banks and corporations can continue taking all of the brown people’s cows, bulls, calves, and milk for 12% of the retail value. Meanwhile, the government pays the media to convince you that you don’t have enough cows. Every four years, you have the “choice” of “voting” between two administrations that will both uphold the system, but they MIGHT disagree on whether or not two cows or two bulls can exchange… “milk.” You can’t smoke weed.

  31. British Democracy: you have 2 cows, suddenly everybody in your village has 2 cows. The bank won’t lend you any money to promote your cows as better milk producers than anyone else’s. You go bankrupt. The HMRC seize your cows. The government tells you that although you’ve cow-farmed for 30 years, you are not elligible for cow-tax credits or any other benefit.
    The immigrant cow farmers that came to your village 2 months ago get free cows and cow accommodation AND cow-tax credits, and are sending the money they make from selling their milk back home to their families.

  32. British Justice:You have a cow.That cow meets another cow,moves to a different farm.They take all the calves.Then the powers that be give them your tractor!!! Sorry i know i seem bitter,hahahaha!!!! But now i have to shop for milk! Bye! (Like your site,very funny

  33. Missing the World Record country with no gouvernement !

    Belgian Democracy : You have 2 cows, One says ‘Meuh’ and the other says ‘Boo’, the politicians fight 1 year to decide who’s right, before forming a government, so there isn’t any, meanwhile the belgian eat all the maquée and platte kaas they can take.

  34. American Capitalism: You pay a tax when you buy two cows. You pay a tax on the wood you buy to build a barn to keep the cows in. You pay property tax on the barn the cows stay in. You pay a tax on the feed you buy for the cows. if the cows get sick you have to pay a tax on the medicine you buy for the cows. If you sale the cows you have to pay an income tax for the money you received for the cows. You can’t even give the cows away without someone paying a gift tax. Why own cows?

  35. have a solution to this dilema
    For Sale 2 Brown Cows consisting of
    two pairs or ridding boots
    two large suitcases
    50 kilograms of choice steak
    15 kilogram of sausages
    large quanity of dog bones
    cash only !!!!!!!!!!!

  36. Theocracy:
    God has made the cows. The High Council has confered with God and has determined that cows are sacred. Only holy people, like those of the High Council and all of their relatives can have the milk of sacred cows. The rest of the people must take care of the cows and milk them for the High Council. God or the High Council will strike dead anyone who will neither take care of nor milk the sacred cows. People who steal sacred cows will go straight to Hell with assistance from the High Council. Nobody is allowed to question the High Council’s decisions about Sacred Cows or they will go straight to Hell. There is no milk in Hell, because the High Council said so.

  37. Nazism; You have two cows. One of them produces more than the other ones, which is entirely suspicious. When other cows in the region don’t give as much milk as they used to due to completely natural circumstances, the profitable cow becomes a scapegoat, gets branded with a star, then is forced to work in another barn with barbed wire. People claim that this cow, along with other similar cows, is part of an evil cow race, and is a communist cow as well. Eventually they decide to wipe out all these cows.

  38. Random Commenting: You read a blog about two cows. Have no idea if it’s true or not. Form an opinion anyway. Look like an idiot. Waste 5 minutes of your time. Nobody cares what you say.

  39. Idealism: You have two cows. You work a full time job and milk the cows, selling the milk at a fair value, and have as much as you need. The government taxes your job and a % profit of the milk. After a couple years of saving you buy another cow, and at the end of 20 years you have enough cows to milk full time.

  40. Objectivism: you work hard in order to raise two cows. When the government/your neighbors/your family demands milk from you, you make a 90-page speech, set both cows on fire and move to Colorado.

  41. Stonerism: you have two cows. you roll two joints. you smoke two joints. milk one cow. make some chocolate milk. a homie comes over and milks the other cow

  42. Apply this in America,you think you have 2 cows;;methane producing ,water polluting , wasteful grain consuming organisms,and you are the enemy of the state.They my even pay you to get rid of them if your rich enough not to need the money,or the milk,or the beef.Don’t worry,they can print more money if they need to..So you loose the cows,the pasture overgrows ans the fence falls down. Then they reclassify your property residential and up your taxes so you are foreclosed on.Your property is needed for a Walmart and they seize the land under eminent domain.Isn’t it great to be an American?Land of the free?Our illustrious supreme court says it o.k. because its good for the people.It is best to dig a hole in the side of the mountain and store up 2 years supplies of food, seed,and fire power .Prepare for the inevitable!Keep you powder dry folks,Massive civil service is going to to gobble you up like pack-man.

  43. Obamanomics

    You think you have 2 cows because the President gives great speeches about them and you can buy shares in them on the stock exchange, for which you pay huge commissions so the CEO’s on the exchange can buy yachts

  44. @janna It depends on WHAT FORM of Anarchy one is referring to, and in that regard the original and most widely used form of Anarchy merely means there is no single governing force, thus there is no set law, thus the entire anarchist country goes to shit because all of the fucked up individuals who live everywhere in the world take advantage of the fact that nothing can stop them save death. Anarchy sounds awesome.

  45. Loved Josh’s comment :)
    This was very funny.
    To the haters:
    If you thought it was a waste of time to read this then why did you waste even more time to comment on it?

  46. Yodaism: Two cows you have.

    Muslim Extremist: You have two cows. You sneek one into the neighboring barn wearing an explosive device. Boom. You still have one cow and the other is in heaven with 30-sum odd virgin cows.

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  48. Berlusconism:
    you have two cows, two prime minister’s friend take them for one night, give them 10.000 euro and an apartment near Arcore. You see them again on a newspaper, and on TV when they become member of the govern.

  49. American Dream: You have two cows who produce buckets of fresh, creamy milk. You sell the milk and buy a bull, eventually producing a herd. Working hard, you sell the resulting milk and beef to buy a lush farm, sheep, chickens and pigs. You pay a small percentage of your income to taxes, supporting a government elected by the people, for the people, yadda yadda, yadda… Then you wake up.

  50. Portuguese Democracy:Farmer has two cows uses booth to plough fields and cart and,at the end of the day the government expects 68liters min.milk produce.

  51. American Indianism: You have no cows so you go out looking for buffalo. You catch two buffalo, kill them and thank them for their blessed sacrifice. You use their skin to make two sides of a tepee and take all the meat for food…. you wonder where the other sides of your tepee will come from since you wouldn’t want to be wasteful killing buffalo you can’t use the whole of yet.

    Hefnerism: You have two cows. You put them across a double spread and photograph their udders!

    Impressionism: You have two cows. You obsessively paint multiple splodgy pictures emphasising the accurate depiction of light in its changing qualities. You fortunately never run out of yellow paint due to the infinite supply of bovine urine. You live a poor and seemingly meaningless existence. You more than adequately provide for your offspring’s future making millions on your art posthumously.

  52. @Rob clark no she’s not right because in anarchy, basic idea of it anyway, is that there is no government, making there be no law. if there is no law then there is no one to be sure that no one does anything “bad” or what would be illegal, like stealing the cow and killing you. maybe that won’t happen. it probably will though, after a while.
    if the price of beef is down wouldn’t you buy the beef and not the brain? why would you feed a cow either? cows eat wheat or grass (not corn either they cannot digest it). and if the stores are Mainly American owned and pricier for their americaness then don’t go to it. if the other stores don’t have products that are as good as the american store then why complain about it?
    just sayin’.

  53. I do trust all the concepts you’ve presented for your post. They are really convincing and can certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are too quick for starters. Could you please lengthen them a bit from next time? Thank you for the post.

  54. oh well so having cows is not a good thing so maybe corn would be better, or beans but not the funny kind like jack got cause then whos tree would it be and how tall should it be ? milk does a body good ?

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  56. @ C-O-X
    “American Indianism: You have no cows so you go out looking for buffalo. You catch two buffalo, kill them and thank them for their blessed sacrifice. You use their skin to make two sides of a tepee and take” as much meat as you can carry while still holding onto the skins. You look over the edge of the buffalo jump you just herded them off of and think, “those hundreds of buffalo I just killed could feed us for a long time…oh well.” You then go down in history as nature-loving, heart-of-gold people, while the modern American who idealizes you never hears about your gargantuan amounts of unused buffalo.

  57. Pharaoh’s dream: Seven fat cows are eating by the river when suddenly seven skinny cows come out of the river and eat the seven fat cows and remain skinny.

    Joseph interpretation: The seven fat cows are seven years of prosperity, the seven skinny cows are seven years of famine that will consume the seven prosperous years and the people still will be hungry.

    Joseph’s solution: Take the surplus grain of the seven prosperous years and save it for the seven years of famine, then there will not only be enough grain to survive the seven sparse years, but enough to share with surrounding countries.

  58. American system since Reagan: You have two cows, and are outraged at the level of taxes on milk, although they’re relatively low. So you elect an old, charismatic B-movie actor as President, because he promises to lower the milk taxes. Then he goes senile, falls asleep in meetings, raises taxes, raises spending, creating a huge milk debt that continues today, and reduces the quality of life. He plans on sending your cows into space to shoot laser beams at Soviet milk missiles. Then you call him the best president ever; you elect his vice-president, and years later, the vice-president’s son goes to war to remove a dictator that his father had put into place (but he’s really there for the huge milk reservoirs). That raises the milk debt even more, but when it’s not cleaned up within 2 years of his departure, you blame the next president.

  59. I think Cambodian communism is what i would be the head of….
    oops. i just revealed something. now i have to kill you all.
    MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  60. Brazilian Democracy: You have two cows. One gets stolen, either by the government or some thief. You work very hard to pay taxes for the milk the other one produces. You get bankrupt after 2 years.

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  62. REAL LIFE CAPITALISM: You have no cows. Your neighbor has no cows. You are hard-working, self-motivated, and wise. Your neighbor is lazy. You work hard for some owner of cows. Save your money wisely. You finally buy your own cow. After years and years of hard work, you own an entire pasture of cows. Your lazy neighbor does nothing and demands you give him welfare in the form of free milk.

  63. Modern Manism: You have two cows. You spend all day playing video games online that the cows eventually die of starvation, while you live on diet coke and hot pockets. You don’t care because you have just gone up a level.

  64. POPULISM, the government incentives (money) the population to grow, but no-intentions of development to grow the food production, in few years the milking cows don’t produce enough milk, they are obliged to be killed to feed the population, them will be not enough to feed the population, so the population start to die of hungry and emigrating.

  65. American Capitalism Redux: A private corporation (Federal Cattle Reserve) owns no cows, but loans two million imaginary cows to anyone who already has a million cows of their own. The Federal Cattle Reserve requires anyone with a real cow to send ten gallons of milk each year, and sells the milk to buy more cows. The cows it buys are not resold, but are held in reserve. For every real cow the Federal Cattle Reserve receives, it loans out ten more imaginary cows. You gripe about the ten-gallon milk payments, but it’s cheaper than having your cows taken away.

    Bush-style American Capitalism: Someone burns down his own barn and blames his neighbor as an excuse to take his neighbor’s cows. Anyone who disagrees is a terrorist, is arrested, their barn is also burned, and their cows taken.

    Conspiracy Theory: Even though the two cows committed suicide at free-fall speed after a tractor drove into them, no one can figure out why in the world a cow at a neighboring farm committed suicide when it was never hit by a tractor at all. Sympathy?

    Republican Capitalism: Two farmers own all the cows. A million milk maids survive by working on the farm, and are paid a cup of milk per day. It is financially responsible to reduce that cup per day to 6 oz, and whatever is left in the milk maid’s cup after two swallows is given back to the farm.

    Chinese Communism: Two stolen American cows produce milk for The Party. Melamine and lead are mixed with water and sold as milk to the rest of the laborers.

  66. British Democracy (revised): You have two cows. You feed them sheeps’ brains and they go mad. The government sends vets to slaughter them and workmen to burn the remains. You have to buy milk from a supermarket which sources its milk from farms where no-one would notice if the cows were mad.

  67. Americanism: You have two cows and work very hard to feed them and produce milk. The government takes a portion of your milk, gives it to poor people that refuse to work, and then taxes your profits on the remaining milk.

  68. Bulgarian Realism –
    There are some cows.
    The women are envious of their breasts.
    The men try to breed a cow which can produce brandy instead of milk.

  69. Any of you coming up with situations that are more than a few simple sentences are missing the entire point of this post.

  70. Canadian System: Everyone drinks milkshakes and complains that they are more expensive than in the States.

  71. Feudalism: Your Lord has two cows. You do all the milking and he lets you have a little bit. His son will have the two cows when he dies and your son will milk them for him.

    Imperialism: You have two cows and a gun. The farmer next door has two cows and a pitchfork. So you have four cows and a farmhand. You tell yourself this is OK because he’s barbaric and you’re civilizing him.

    Post-Imperialism: You feel guilty about what you’ve done and give the farmhand back his land and his freedom. But not his cows. You then grow weary and unsympathetic as celebrities appeal on his behalf for milk.

    Conservatism: You inherit two cows and consider anybody who didn’t to be lazy.
    Liberalism: You have two cows that consent to be milked by you, and adhere to your Farm Rules of Law, (which you’re not above). You let the cows do whatever they want, in the privacy of their own barn, as long as it doesn’t affect you or the other cows.

    Fabianism/Trade Unionism: You work for a man who has two cows among other animals. You’re associated with the people who perform the other tasks around the farm, and use this leverage to gradually improve your share of the milk, eggs, wool etc, instead of murdering the farmer and throwing the farm into disarray.

    Socialism: Your country nationalises cows. The government gives this milk away free to all schoolchildren, which develops your skeleton and stops you getting osteoporosis in later life, which is cheaper for the National Health Service, which fixes your bad back and bum knees, which lets you help to milk the cows.

    Nationalism: You have two cows from the same field. You consider them to be intrinsically better than all other cows because you were born in the field too.

    Fascism: You have two cows. One lets you milk her because she thinks you’re a charismatic farmer who’ll lead the herd to their destiny. The other lets you milk her because the first cow has threatened to kill her otherwise.

    Thatcherism: You are a cow.

    Pure Communism: The community has two cows. People who are able to milk the cows do most of the work. People with bad backs and knees still receive the same amount of milk.

    Pure Capitalism: You have two cows. The milk they produce is worth 100n. You pay somebody else 10n to look after and milk the cows, and then buy more cows to make more money. Or go broke, because nobody wants to buy milk, and it was your own stupid idea to buy two cows in the first place. (Perhaps you lose a government contract because they stop paying for free milk in schools?)

    Real World Communism: The community has two cows that produce 10 gallons of milk. You tell everyone they produce 50 gallons of milk. Then you divide 5 gallons of milk between the workers, keeping the cream for yourself, and put the other 5 gallons in buckets which you threaten to throw at the capitalist farmer.

    Real World Capitalism: One person has two cows. You tell everybody else they can have two cows if they work for it, but this is statistically very unlikely. The man with two cows gives you personally a gallon of milk to give him tax breaks which let him keep more milk for himself. You then tell everybody the communist farmer wants to take away their right to have two cows (which they’ll probably never have anyway) and collect 5 gallons of the milk they earned in buckets which you threaten to throw at the communist farmer.

    Mutually Assured Destruction (M.A.D.): The theory that the only thing stopping the farmer next-door from throwing sour milk over you is the sour milk you say you’ll throw back at him.

    Consumerism: You have two cows, but feel unfulfilled. With the money you borrow using your cows as collateral you buy foam fingers, tamagotchis, novelty ties, snow globes, and t-shirts with slogans on them. You don’t feel any better, but you’re happy the man selling you these things can buy milk. Until you lose your cows.

    Pure Democracy: You have two cows. You and your neighbours decide what to do with the milk.

    Representative Democracy: You have two cows. You and your neighbours choose someone to decide what to do with the milk.

    British Democracy: You have two cows. You live in a country that’s a representative democracy.

    Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government regulates the price for milk you receive, and removes the incentive to kill your cows for meat in a bad year by paying you regardless. This increases national security by guaranteeing basic foodstuffs are always available, prevents starvation, and leads to countless jokes about the EU’s Common Agricultural Policy.

    Surrealism: You have two harmonicas. The government prohibits them from taking giraffe lessons.

  72. Surrealism: You have two giraffes. They play harmonicas while milking two cows that are posing in the mooood for Dali.

    Irish Democracy: You have two cows. You want to build a shed for them. The banks insist on giving you money to build sheds for 200 cows. The milk bubble bursts. You ask the EMF for a few ‘bale’-outs. You still have two cows and the 200 sheds are empty. The ‘bale’-outs go to the banks. And you are still cleaning up after your two depositors!

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  74. just sayin’ cows don’t go mad from eating sheeps brains. Bovines go mad from eating other bovines brains. And it’scruel to trick them to eat anyopnes brains at all because bovines are strict vegans.

  75. Arkansan Bootlegging: You own 2 non-government registered cows. You feed them from your once-per-year trip to town for supplies. You harvest large quantities of milk at a time, which are loaded into the 1957 Chevy with a 454 Big block and smokestacks. You carefully maneuver down the secluded dirt road that you have rigged with booby traps such as Vietnam-era claymores and phosphorous grenades, to sell the milk to the yankees that now live in Missouri. You pay no taxes and spend the profit on moonshine. You go home to your toothless 370lbs wife and 10 kids to enjoy your dinner of fried Twinkies..

  76. True Americanism: You have two cows you worked hard to obtain. Everyone has their own cows that they worked for as well. All the cows are milked and cared for by the people that own them. Some of the milk is given in the form of a tax. The government uses that tax to make sure nobody else comes to tell us how to raise our own damn cows.

  77. Pure Socialism << It's Also Called Pure Valid Syari'ah Laws.. Muslim ways of life.. see the 5'th Pillar Of Islam? It's Pilgrimage.. Pilgrimage Is An Anti Racist Ritual!! Islam is Perfect for Human Kind!!
    The Way Of Islam Life Is: Whenever there is Good Credit then it Goes To God (praise god).. Bad Credit Goes To Us (blame our self why we didn't take the chances that God has given to us)

  78. American Capitalism – You have two cows. Both cows are killed by wolves. The wolves are reimbursed with 6 more cows. You get nothing.

  79. Tea Party Cows:

    You have two cows. You feed them on diets of Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity scripts. They develop mad cow disease. You sell the milk to Michelle Bachman. She becomes poster girl for Mad Cows.

  80. the swede’s “stonerism” comment is the best!

    i like the idea of trying to break things down in more everyday terms.

    on another note, the work on communism is off. for starters, no individual would own a cow, much less two. the international working class would own everything collectively. people would live and work thusly: from each according their their ability, to each according to their need. we would share in times of scarcity, as well as plenty.

    i would like to read other lists like this, do they exist?

  81. Tantissimi anni fa lasciai il sole del Sud e, insieme al sole, la mia famiglia, tutti i miei amici e una quantità infinita di ricordi. Queste foto raccontano attimi di vita del mio passato e del mio presente, di persone e luoghi dove ho trascorso la mia infanzia e di dove vivo adesso, catturati per sempre da un click di una macchina fotografica.

    Many years ago I left the sun of the South and, with the sun, my family, all my friends and an endless amount of memories. These photos tell life moments of my past and my present, people and places where I spent my childhood and where I live now, captured forever by a click of a camera.

  82. “Pure” Anarchy: You have 2 cows. So long as you can protect them, you have 2 cows. If someone steals them, your only recourse is to steal them back. If you kill the thief in the process of reclaiming your property, there is no law or thief to answer to. If the thief kills you, he has your cows and no one to answer to.

    (Anarchy is the absence of government. This has NOTHING to do with communism. Individualist Anarchy, “pure” anarchy, is in fact the polar opposite of Bureaucratic Communism, which is collectivist totalitarianism.)

    Statism: You have 2 cows. The government knows what’s best for you, however, so they tell you what you can do with your cows, when you can do it, and how it is to be done. Utopia can’t be achieved without central planning and a single collective will leading the way, therefore ALL cows, feed, and other wealth, capital, and labor must be managed down to the simplest process.

    Liberalism: You have two cows. As the owner of private property, you will be demonized by the collectivist statists in power so it becomes politically expedient to confiscate ever-increasing amounts of the wealth you produce from those cows, prevent the creation of that wealth in the first place, and eventually nationalize the cows.

    Progressivism: You had two cows. A collectivist government of statists took them and gave them to someone more “oppressed” than you. The recipient’s entire race, religious affiliation, ethnic group, gender, or age bracket is expected to vote Democrat for the rest of eternity. Eventually, the only “oppressed” persons are the ones in power, resulting in an atheistic Theocracy (as listed above, Government replacing God).

    Marxism: You have 2 cows. Cows are economic capital, therefore you are a member of the Bourgeoisie. The proletariat, who own no cows, storm your house, execute you, your family, and your cows, take the meat and distribute that evenly among the surviving masses, the distributors taking a few extra cuts for themselves.

    Corporatism: You have 2 cows. No one cares about you so long as your operation doesn’t interfere with the large corporate farm feeding the campaigns of politicians who are legislating in their favor. Ultimately, these legislative efforts destroy your ability to produce and sell milk from your cows and causes the entire country to go bankrupt. Your cows wind up being owned by China.

    Conservatism: You own 2 cows. You do whatever you want with them as they are your private property and government has no right to intercede. You pay a small amount in some form of tax which funds the military who protects your cows against foreign armies trying to steal them, the police who prevent theft of your cows and/or recover your cows if they are stolen, the courts who prosecute people who (attempt to) steal your cows (and survive their gunshot wounds), and the congress which makes constitutional laws to protect your rights to your cows. Your neighbor, who owns no cows, is expected to do some kind of work or purchase some kind of capital which creates wealth so he can buy your milk. By similar regard, you have no right to your other neighbor’s 12 cows or his tractor.

    PETA: 2 cows live near you. You may do nothing to profit from the cows, but you are obligated to build a multi-story barn for the cows, heated and air-conditioned with elevators. You are expected to sleep outdoors on the ground, as building a house for yourself would likely disturb a mouse, mole, vole, rat, rabbit, or groundhog hole. Animal shelters funded by PETA are, of course, exempt from any such limitations as the euthanize over 90% of the animals in their care (if don’t believe this, look it up).

    PETA: You have 2 cows. You kill them and eat steak. We are discussing People Eating Tasty Animals after all.

    Carpe Deim: You own 2 cows. Eat steak today, for tomorrow we die.

  83. American National Debt Capitalism: You have two cows. IRS repeals your two cows Capital Basis and taxes you on a profit gain with audits, amendments and files a tax lien on your two cows. Cows feed keeps getting higher cost since during the IRS reviews of two cows. Your cousin in Northern States agrees to sell you less costing corn and soy beans for your two cows feed, which is now under water in the Northern States because the same Government will not allow the release of flood waters and openning of dams for promises to the Southern States of Misissippi and Lousiana lands. Corn and soy beans are now rotten in the North States. Then you decide to sell the milk on the Commidity Market to a City Day Trader to pay IRS for the liens on the two cows. Your good ole’ boys steal the two cows upon hearing of IRS investigation. You have to post bonds $375/ year, to the municipal clerks office for the two cows that your Dad left to you in a will, because IRS has decided, that the two cows basis now filed declares your Dad needs to be as well as an orphan of the Court for years. The City Day Trader sells the two cows milk stock piled in storage at a loss and gets a write-off of sour milk of the two cows. Dept. of Agriculture states, that two cows milk is still in a commodity status. IRS agents repeals all tax matters of record of the two cows as nothing ever happened because a State Policeman never witnessed this event. Two cows now are revised on your IRS Form 1040 as a taxable, since owners of two cows are married and filing seperately to acquire passive profits and tax liens to recoup many audits losses of two cows to pay for the National Debt. Two Cows have no rights to Tax Amnesty as of “Pilla Talks Taxes” monthly expose’.

  84. Utopia: Cows are disease-ridden shitting machines. They are covered in flies. The milk they produce is full of of toxins, pathogens and puss. You have nothing to do with cows.

  85. this is pure garbage. written by an idiot and liked by other idiots. and people who gave this a thumbs up at stumbleupon should kill themselves.

  86. I like this one so much made me laugh so much..
    Capitalism: You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as collateral.

    nice post..!

  87. Libertianalism: This is from a Swedish Farmer’s -Creole New Orleanian City dweller’s daughter who was reared to be a libertarian. You have 2 cows. You find out who know how best to raise cows & hire her/him @ a price you can afford & he/she can afford. While milking, etc., you attempt to talk someone into breeding deals. After the cows have given the most milk they can, you sell the milk on the free market, hopefully make a profit, and buy a bull (or rent one) for breeding, and do it again.. If you don’t make it, you either try again with savings, or find someone (individual/partners/business/bank/etc.) who has faith in you to lend (or give) you money to try again, or find something you can do better. The world goes on.
    Now, for real funny stuff, this is absolutely hilarious, and really tooooooooooooo true! Thanks for a real belly laugh!!

  88. Monotheistic Religion: Since the earth was disproven as the center of the universe, Christians try to make humans the center of existence. The Church thus kills any cows it can. Cows are smuggled to small villages around the world, where its resident Muslims deem it immoral to see unclothed cows. All cows are covered in head-to-toe black garb, or stoned to death. This mystery creates a huge black market of exposed cows on the internet. This is mostly viewed online by Mormons in Utah (last part is true… Utah Mormons have the highest rates of accessing such stuff, look it up!)

    India’s Polytheism: You worship the cows. Meanwhile cow poop covers every street, no one eats, no one gets milk, and most die of starvation. The few remaining people work as Bollywood actors, or IT support from “Chicago.”

    Greek/Roman Polytheism: You worship the cows, and think they magically create lightning bolts. You attack the ocean with a sword to fight for humankind’s rights against the gods.

    Atheism: You see cows. You realize evolution put them here. You are intelligent, but spend your days mocking religious people, staying up late nights behind your computer screen to do so. Meanwhile you forget to eat, forget to reproduce, and you’re found dead face-down on your keyboard.

  89. Trickle-down economics: You have 2 cows. You get greedy to go to the bank and put up your 2 cows up as collateral to get 4 cows on credit. You can’t make the payments and the bank seizes and now owns your 2 cows. You have no house, no cows, and you starve and die. The banks then team up with government to own everyone’s cows. Each CEO is given 1 million government cows, while the government lies that these cows will “trickle-down” to the public at some point. The general public foolishly believe in this impossible story, and live on welfare hoping to one day get trickle-down cows. The general public never sees any cows, starves and dies. The CEO’s cows breed and produce 10 million cows. They get greedy and put them up on collateral to buy 1 billion cows on credit from China in hopes of making even more profit next year. The corporate porkers are so excited at the prospect of making more money, they drop everything to go vacation in the Mediterranean, having outsourced their cow paperwork to India. They come back to find their empire collapsed. America starves and dies. China now owns all the world’s cows. They teach the cows calculus and kung-fu.

  90. Moooooooooooooooo. MOoooooooooooooo. Someday we will rule you all. Death to the two-legged milk swillers. Eat cheese and die. Long live Commooooonism.

  91. Obama’s America: You have 2 cows. your neighbor has 1,000 cows. Your neighbor is irresponsible and forgets to feed his cows. Half of them die. The government takes your cows and gives them to him.

  92. British Capitalism. You were born into a family with 200 cows and privileged connections or you duped others out of 200 cows and sleazed your way into the upper circles or you got lucky. Either way you control the price of milk from all the people who have two cows and you fix the price to pay them the least you can get away with. And then you repackage that milk and sell it right back to the same people at the maximum you think the situation will stand. Many of them can’t make ends meet and give up to take a job for minimum wage in your cheese factory or they become your driver or your housekeeper. The people with two cows are suffering, but you’re raking it in and you want to hang onto that situation for as long as possible. Fortunately you control most of the media so to divert people from seeing that the situation is unfairly rigged you sell them the idea that if they don’t have 200 cows then they must be lazy and you throw in a few pictures of bare breasted females on page 3 to further distract the men.

  93. NWO Police State: You had two cows, or at least that what you were told while growing up on the farm. One day you woke up and realized by dehumanization and automated mechanization it was a lie to get you to milk the imaginary cows for free. You tried to tell the people next door but they were to busy shooting up thier cows with human growth hormone to pay any attention. Finally after years of drinking the milk you come to realize you are trapped on the farm and very sick, everyone else is dying from the same ailments. Ironically, you find out by exposing the biological and psycological weoponry used againts you since you were born, could only lead to global anailation of all the farms in the universe.
    True story read:
    http://statespiesonpatients.blogspot.com/

  94. NWO Police State: You had two cows, or at least that what you were told while growing up on the farm. One day you woke up and realized by dehumanization and automated mechanization it was a lie to get you to milk the imaginary cows for free. You tried to tell the people next door but they were to busy shooting up thier cows with human growth hormone to pay any attention. Finally after years of drinking the milk you come to realize you are trapped on the farm and very sick, everyone else is dying from the same ailments. Ironically, you find out by exposing the biological and psycological weoponry used againts you since you were born, could only lead to global anailation of all the farms in the universe.

  95. Zionism: You have two cows. The Lord smites them. You shall not have other gods other than Him. You shall not enter the promised land.

  96. California dream act: You have two cows but they can’t get an education because two illegal cows are getting the education paid for by your government.

  97. The whole time I was thinking “Okay, pretty accurate.” until Surrealism, at which point I may have ruptured something internally from laughter. THAT’S the government I want to live in. I need to lie down.

  98. Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.

    – This one is great. Just taking care of all the cows and I get all the milk I need.

  99. You have two cows. This is plain daft without a bull or AI you can not get them in calf. No calf each year result no milk. Ok you can eat the cow but what happens next year? No herd. Conclusion without skilled farmers all systems die.

  100. New Zealand System.
    You have two cows which the governemtn tries to tax you on because they fart. Then a rustler tries to steal them but breaks his leg in the process. He claims compensation from the Government (and gets it as it was part of his job) but your taxes go up to pay for the injury to the rustler!

  101. CEO has mastered corporate back stabbing and manipulation of the Board of Directors.
    Shareholders, employees and customers have been neglected and corporation has been reped and then sold off to his/her buddies to provide CEO with ten million cows. But no one has a job paying well enought to buy milk and beef and his cows are worthless!.

  102. Brazilian Capitalism:
    You have two cows. Govern oblies you to plant trees on the hills they were fed. Cows starve to death and the farm is invaded by “Social Landless Movements” such as MST, since it is now idle. Government buys your farm and distribute to Landless. With the money you buy a small house at town. You get unemployed and receives social assistance so you can survive and keep voting on them in order not to loose the benefit.

  103. You are Comanche. Mexican Rancher has two hundred cows. You have stealth and skills. Week 1 — Cross border. Steal twenty cows. Leave two dead vaqueros. Week 2 — Send emissary across border. He sells twenty cows back to Mexican Rancher. Split proceeds. Repeat ten times. Now you are ready to begin Cycle Two. Once this bores you, begin Week 1 of Cycle by stealing two of rancher’s daughters. Sell one back to him for the price of his entire herd. Send offer to marry uglier daughter — price, two cows!

  104. U.S. system since Reagan: You have two cows, and are outraged at the level of tax on milk, but are relatively low. To select a charismatic B movie actor old as president because he promises to cut taxes for milk. Then he goes senile, he falls asleep at meetings, raise taxes, increase spending, creating a huge debt that milk continues to this day, and reduced quality of life. Are you planning to send their cows to space to laser at the missile from the milk to shoot. Then call the best president of all time, choose your vice president, and years later, the son of the Vice President visited the war to a dictator that his father created remove (but is really that huge reserves of milk). This raises the debt even more milk, but if not cleaned within 2 years after their departure, they blame the next president.

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  106. Pingback: » Please read this and enjoy it. The last two are my favorites. Also, the “Russian Communism” one is wrong. Everyone knows that in Communist Russia, cows take care of (and milk) you. Duh. Mike Beasley

  107. this really makes me think. How could be socialism affect the life of individual and how could affect too. So many things people really need to understand.

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  109. Animal Farmism – Two pigs convince your two cows to force you and your wife to breed, then they milk your wife and sell the milk. You get nothing.

  110. American Democracy: You have two cows a farm and pay taxes. The corporation lobbies for tax loopholes, subsidies and saves enough cash to buy your farm and cows. The Corporation buys your farm, then fires you and sends the cows overseas to be milked in China for cheap… The Corporation then sells you the chinese milk, but since you have no job or money you can’t afford this milk. The corporation then files for bankruptcy, and lobbies for bailouts…Government takes your money and salvages the Corporation…. Corporation Owner becomes presidential candidate and claims farmers are ” are “dependent on government” and see themselves as “victims.”….

  111. American Tax System -The government suspects that you may have 2 cows.

    They ask you to calculate how much you should be taxed for the 2 cows, the land, the feed, the barn, and the profit on any milk sold, as well as taxing any person purchasing the milk.

    2 years later they audit you, the person who bought the milk, and the 2 cows. They take the land, the feed, the barn, both cows, any profit, and then fine you for taxing yourself unfairly.

    Then keep you, both cows, the neighbor and any neighboring cows making phone calls under surveillance.

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