Obituary

Dear friends,

It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join

me in remembering a great icon.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and

complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities

turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry

Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and

Cap’n Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours as long- time

friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man

who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show

business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not

considered a very “smart” cookie, wasting much of his dough on

half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he — even

still, as a crusty old man — was considered a roll model for millions.

Toward the end, it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no

tart.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough

and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by

his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.

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