Religious Believers

  1. The Fanatical: These are the people that take religious belief to the next level. The suicide bombers, the bus preachers, the holier than holy self righteous types. They believe that EVERYBODY is wrong and that they are right. They believe that their god is the only true god, and they will twist gospels and preachings to suit their own needs and propaganda. Everyone around them is a sinner even the devout and they will go to all lengths to try and save the sinners while simultaneously judging and condemning them.
  2. The Devout: They are the individuals who are absorbed in religious exercises and duties. They go to church as much as possible, that is, Sundays, Wednesday Bible study and teach Sunday school. They will defend their beliefs in spite of overwhelming evidence that proves that their belief is flawed and they will choose their church above all else. They do not sin and if they do, God will forgive them. No sex before marriage, no divorce, nothing that is deemed wrong as per to the Bible or their denomination rules.
  3. The life is screwed up: When you were younger you were a presumptuous sinner. You had your fun, made mistakes that you regret and now your life is screwed up. You turn to the church and god and you are now saved and reborn. You become a mixture of devout and fanatic. You go to church as much as possible and judge people as if you are god himself. Your mistakes have been forgiven and its like you never made them in the first place.
  4. The Believer: You believe because you want to. You probably grew up in the faith but you made a conscious decision to continue. You try to live a good life and you accept people for who they are. You love yourself and everyone else. You try not to push your beliefs on anyone but you will give a few words of advice. You go to church every Sunday but you will visit a friends church and accept their religious exercises. You read the bible and volunteer when you can. You try not to judge others but sometimes it just happens.
  5. The Traditional Believer: You go because your father and mother went every Sunday, your aunts, uncles, your parents parents, cousins and next door neighbor. You believe but you have no choice in the matter because you are expected to believe.
  6. The Fear Holy Repercussion: You frequent church because you were scared shitless by your pastor when you were young. You were told if you don’t go to church every Sunday you would burn in the eternal fire of hell. If you miss one Sunday you give twice the tithes next Sunday.
  7. The occasional visitor: You go because you think its a nice exercise, you may skip a few Sundays but you have to go at least once per month, well, unless you have vacation and you cant make it. Maybe next month.
  8. The presumptuous sinner: Fornicators, party goers, alcoholics, adulterers, petty thieves, and liars all fall in this category. You go every now and again to ask for forgiveness for your particular transgression. When you make your plea, you feel cleansed and ready to transgress again. God will forgive you because you acknowledge your mistakes but you’re having too much fun to stop, god will understand.
  9. The eyes wide shut: You are the same as the presumptuous sinner except you think, no you believe that you are doing nothing wrong. Monday-Saturday is a blur and on Sunday you are the most perfect of Gods creation. Anybody who thinks otherwise is a hater and you will pray for them.
  10. The semi believer: You believe in a higher power but you will not go to church because everyone in the congregation is a hypocrite, you prefer to worship on your own (if any at all) but you fear God and try to live a good life. You accept that man sins and all that man can do is to try and live a good life.
  11. The forced: You are probably young and still under your parents thumb. You have no choice but to believe what your parents believe and do what your parents do. You may think its all bullshit but you cant say anything for fear of punishment or being ridiculed. Your friends are all ‘eyes wide shut’ so you cant say anything to the contrary.
  12. The ulterior motive: You have an hidden agenda. You may or may not believe but belief is not your primary focus. You may be in it for the money, using your natural power of speech to con people into giving extra tithes on Sunday. You may be pretending in order to get into the pants of a eyes wide shut. Your wife (damn you love that woman) decides to convert and you promise to go with her because you know better, if you don’t go no sex later.
  13. The confused: You’ve been to a church, a synagogue and a few other places of worship and you realize something, they all preach the same thing, good will among men and to live a good life. The only difference is dress, practice and deities. You have no idea what which direction to take, Allah, Buddah and Jesus all make good points.
  14. The agnostic (aka the dont knows): You don’t know whether or not God exist but you would prefer to spend your time doing something productive than to wonder whether or not you will go to hell for not making up your mind. You will go to church or engage in a friendly religious debate in order to see if something will tip the table one way or the other.
  15. The don’t know don’t cares: You don’t know and you really don’t care whether or not religion is wrong or right. You are living in the moment, you have pressing matters to deal with. You try not to think of it and most of the time you don’t.
  16. The Atheists: You know without a doubt that there is no such thing as heaven, hell or god. You think that religion is a story told ages ago to keep people in check and it got way out of hand. You believe in what you can see and hear and you wont be caught dead in a church.
  17. The satanics: You believe god exists, you believe the devil exists too but you hate what god stands for. You like evil, havoc and mayhem. You set out to break every rule in the bible and you look forward to hell.

Source: Shonari

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  1. An atheist.

    You’ve missed one. There are also those who don’t know (are agnostic) but also don’t believe (are atheists). They don’t claim to [I]know[/I] there is no god, but the evidence and arguments for the existence of God, such as they are, have failed to provide the standard of proof necessary to convince them.

    These are the “weak” atheists, whereas the atheists you have proposed claim to [I]know[/I] there is no God, and are known as either “Gnostic Atheists” or “Strong Atheists”.

    Weak atheists tend to be rigorously scientific & skeptical, refusing to accept anything on “faith”, and insisting that only that which can be reasonably demonstrated to be true should be taken as true.

  2. McQ

    This thing is a bias piece of crap. In the way this is arranged, the author is implying that if you are agnostic, or atheist, your not from being a satanist or (devil worshiper). If your atheist, YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN THE DEVIL OR GOD!! Its propaganda that makes Americans a big group of “haters.” This could have been funny, but it wasn’t. Next time try again and get your facts straight and keep your ego out.

  3. Shonari

    @McQ I consider myself an atheist/agnostic and i care nothing about devil worshipping. I just tried to arrange my point of view from the most religiously devout to the least. if you can rearrange it some other way with that idea in mind please go ahead.

    And you are right if you are an atheist you dont belive in the devil or god but each point stands alone and doesnt carry over into the other.

  4. marvin nubwaxer

    religion is just a mental disorder

  5. Kyle

    A few things wrong here…

    First off, I’m an atheist. I guess you’d say a devout atheist, as redundant as that sounds. We do not KNOW that there are no deities. We believe that there aren’t any because of severe lack of proof. We believe what can be explained with evidence and refuse to accept “God did it” as an acceptable form of evidence.

    Secondly, Satanism rarely actually deals with the devil. A majority of Satanists are not at all evil. Granted, the religion is selfish, but it teaches to be true to oneself before being true to others. Quite a few branches do not accept the idea of a god at all.

    Simply put, fact check. You claim to be atheist and we have a harsh outlook on people who bullshit.

  6. Magister Mundi

    I’d put the Satanic types somewhere else, as they don’t fit with the Atheists. Maybe right above the sinners?

  7. Name(required)

    Number 16 for me =D. Although I do have more beliefs about all that…

  8. Knight6

    Interesting how everyone, from the fanatic to the atheist, becomes angry if others don’t believe as they do. I suggest A Guide to Rational Living by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper, Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl, and Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche.

  9. Joshua Lavallee

    The funny thing is that if there is a God his plan is flawed. He says he will not be tested and the assumption is that you can’t prove the existence of God. If you want the proof here is my thesis: If there is a God then there has to be an opposing deity to make a balance, Satan. If there is both God and Satan then there must also be angels and demons. Since God will not prove his existence, then why not seek the proof from the opposing force. Satan and the demons. According to most literature Demons are keen on being malicious towards man. So why not seek out a demon. If you find that demons are real they will prove the existence of God. If you find said proof then you can decide which side has the better offer for your soul if in fact we do have souls.

  10. KH

    @Joshua Lavallee

    You’re correct and incorrect (in my opinion). Matthew 4:7 talks about not testing God. However, you have to look at the context. Satan is tempting Jesus in the wilderness and asking Him to prove He’s God. He’s not asking for proof that He exists, just proof that He’s God. He already knew the answer to the question though, I believe that’s where the testing part comes into account. He wants Him to prove that He has power, not to prove that He exists.

    Jesus quotes Deuteronomy 6:16 in Matthew 4:7. Deut 6:16 says to not test the Lord as you did at Massah. That verse is in reference to Exodus 17.The Israelites were thirsty and demanded God to prove Himself. They had seen His power and miracles previously, yet they doubted that He could provide water for them when they were thirsty.

    I believe it comes down to not testing God if you’ve seen Him before. You can’t deny what you’ve seen with your own eyes can you?

    I believe God will reveal Himself to a heart that is earnestly seeking Him.

    Throw me into whatever category you want, I don’t care. I believe that the God of the Bible exists and wants to have a personal relationship with us. The fact of the matter comes down to a couple key points for me. If I’m right, I get to enjoy heaven. If I’m wrong and God doesn’t exist, I die and worms eat me. Are you willing to be wrong forever, I’m okay with the options.

  11. JennA.L.

    I know God exists. I have never been given any proof, and I don’t need any. I know through something called FAITH. I believe in Jesus Christ just as strongly as I believe I’m typing on my computer right now. He is my best friend, and has always been there when called upon. I can’t prove to anyone that He exists, but anyone who calls upon His name with a pure heart will receive all the proof they need. Don’t take my word for it, try it. This is just my opinion, but I would say that the biggest part of atheists, as well as satanists, will be crying out to Jesus when this life is almost over and they are on their death bed.

  12. Zachary

    All these comments are fine, and I greatly enjoy the article, but I noticed something curious about every point made about a lack of faith in God, and that is the lack of proof. You see, it’s funny how we put God in the category of things that must be proven to us, when in fact every belief (for lack of a better, all-encompassing word), whether that is Atheism, Theism, Agnosticism, Pluralism, anything, is taken on faith. By its very nature, any belief held about that which we can’t see is taken ultimately on faith. Now there is a substantial amount of evidence in the World for those who look for it, but even then, God or His non-existence cannot be proven. So “the overwhelming lack of proof” is in itself redundant and self-evident. I myself believe firmly in a loving God who died and rose again so that we may live, not because that’s what I was raised to believe, but because it fits with the world and what exists, I can feel His love, and because I have faith in such a God.

    Another illogical perception is that whatever is true is a matter of a opinion. Think about it. (Literally. Think. Ponder this next point…) At the end of our Universe, if what you believe is not what you find, you were wrong. It was wrong. Your opinion didn’t matter. Your conviction didn’t matter. It IS wrong. In the end, no matter what your belief, it’s not a matter of opinion, but a matter of fact. People put religion in the category of opinion, or of what’s right and wrong, but this is as nonsensical as trying to describe the color red by its taste. Religion does no belong in the category of opinion or of what’s right just as red does not belong in the category of taste. Religion is ultimately not a matter of opinion, but rather a search for what is true. In the end, the very end, when there is no more time, and the universe is unveiled, there will only be one truth about everything. Contradicting truths cannot exist in the same “existence” by their very nature. The statements “truth is relative” and “absolute truth does not exist” are in themselves contradictory. They are their own undoing. One simply has to ask, “is that absolutely true?”. When faced with such a question, the non-existence of truth becomes becomes an impossibility. Truth must exist, and that is something that cannot be explained by a chaotic system. What’s more, we know that Ultimate Truth can be known. This is proven by the simple argument that if Truth were NOT knowable, we couldn’t know that is was True, yet another conundrum. (And we already know that Truth must exist.)

    Why all this talk about Truth in a post about religion? Well, because religion is in the category what is ultimately True.

    All that to say, there is only one truth, and in the end, everything cannot be proven or discovered without Faith. If you’re looking for proof, you will die without it. But if yo’re looking for Truth, you will find it when you seek it and are ready to accept it by faith, not by proof. Frankly, I just don’t have enough faith to be an Atheist.

    NOTE: Please don’t take this post offensively. I’m not slamming everyone else, I’m just sharing part of the reason why I believe what I believe. This kind of thing is what I’m passionate about. I love the search for Truth. Feel free to share your thoughts on this comment!

  13. Zachary


    I’m sorry, I posted a comment earlier, and in the next to last paragraph, I said, “if you’re looking for Truth, you will find it when you seek it and are ready to accept it by faith, not by proof.”

    It may seem that this statement contradicts what I said about Absolute Truth, which is that it can be knowable. Indeed, God or His non-existence must be taken of faith, and in the end, either one or the other is absolutely true. I just though I’d make clear that a lack of proof for something does not make it unknowable. For example, I know that God is real, even without what the rest of the world calls “proof”. Someone else may have their reasons for believing that God is not real. However, in the end, only one of our ideas is correct. Either God exists or He doesn’t. In the end, Truth was knowable and one of us was deceived. The problem is that the majority of the world would make “proof” synonymous with “sight”, and this simply is not the case. It seems that that’s been pounded into our heads pretty hard by modern science, which is funny, because many of the most important scientific theories require faith to believe also.

  14. strech armbong

    Do (For a mothafukkin Klondike bar)

    “If God didn’t want us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter”.

  15. Mary


    I loved your comment and insight. It is one of the most beautiful and intelligent things I’ve read on the Internet. Do you mind if I print it out to show a friend? We often have talks about this sort of thing, about belief and nonbelief and the existence of God.

    I hope you see this so you can receive my gratitude across the web. Peace to you and all who read this.

  16. Beth

    “Traditionally, the pathways to God have been through the heart (love,devotion, selfless service, surrender, worship, and non-duality). Each way may seem more comfortable at one stage or another or they may alternate in emphasis. Either way, it is a hindrance to consider that there is a personal self or an ‘I’ or an ego that is doing the striving or seeking or which will become enlightened. It is much easier to realize there is no such thing as the ego or an “I” identity that is doing any seeking, but instead, it is an impersonal aspect of consciousness that is doing the exploring and seeking.

    A useful approach is to let the love for God replace the wilfulness that is driving the seeking. One can release all desire to seek and realize that the thought that there is anything else but God is a baseless vanity. This is the same vanity that claims authorship for one’s experiences, thoughts, and actions. With reflection, it can be seen that both the body and the mind are the result of the innumerable conditions of the universe and that one is at best the witness of this concordance. Out of an unrestricted love for God arises the willingness to surrender all motives except to serve God Completely.” taken from THE EYE OF THE I – From Which Nothing is Hidden by David R. Hawkins, MD, Ph.D

  17. Joe

    just so you know, your definition of atheist is completely wrong and frankly a little rude. if you would care to read the wikipedia page it would probably clear that up so you dont make the same mistake in the future.

    • Shonari

      @Joe Are you reading the same Wikipedia article I am?

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